Play dead Lara.

I've never been a fan of the Tomb Raider series. Its initial launch on the PC was truly a groundbreaking event, yet I despised the voluptuous, pony-tailed jumping wonder. Eidos hit the lottery those many years ago, and still are trying to ride this dead wave.

Scavenging through the "bargain bins" at Babbages, I came across Chronicles for $10. I read the back, and the story seemed decent, and the graphics looked solid. Hoping the control issues were ironed out, and for $10, it couldn't be that bad.

STORYLINE

If you have been following the "series", you are aware that dear Lara Croft is missing and presumed to be dead. Friends and family mourn together at her mock funeral. Three of her closest friends recant over her adventures. The four include: Winston (her butler), Patrick (her father) and James Yves.

As each one reminisces over their adventure, you get to play Lara in the story that is being told.

GAMEPLAY 3/10

If you are not familiar with the gameplay that Tomb Raider brings, it is a simple concept. You get a semi first person perspective view as you traverse through levels. A level consists of numerous puzzles and switches to throw. Classic adventure gaming, with the added flavor of a FPS. Baddies are also scattered throughout the levels, and you have a limited arsenal of weapons.

Chronicles is nearly identical to every other TR you have played. I hate being this blunt about games, and truly try to be as objectionable as possible; but for the love of all that’s good, right and just, controlling Lara is about as easy as controlling a one-wheeled moped.

Again, I hate to be so biased, but c'mon now. If you have never touched a TR game, I encourage you just to rent one of the games to see how horrible it is. There is such a sickening sense of control, that simply turning can be a frustrating event. Moving is sloppy, sluggish and vague. The game has nothing to do with "adventure". It's all about jumping, getting keys and pulling gabs of levers.

I was hoping for a change in the movements, but was sadly let down, and it is just as bad as it ever was. Every time I try to play TR, I wonder why people actually enjoy so much pain. When you are used to having precise control in your characters such as: Unreal, Quake or Half-Life, prepare to meet your doom.

Putting my partisan politics aside, there are a few new features within TR: Chronicles. She can now walk on a tight-rope (yawn) and can monkey climb up vines and such. If you are lucky enough to land the sniping gun, you can now use it to peg off unsuspecting baddies. Sound cool, eh? Blah. Killing baddies is easy enough since there is no aim involved. You simply have to be facing the right way, and shoot.

GRAPHICS 4/10

Eidos is the same company who produced one of the best Dreamcast releases to date; Legacy of Kain: Soul Reaver. If you have played Soul Reaver, you will distinctly notice the underlying Tomb Raider engine powering your vamp. Soul Reaver had amazing control, brilliant graphics and solid framerate. Thinking that Chronicles was released after Soul Reaver; I expected to see my favorite vampire in a Lara Croft costume.

Yipes! Talk about putrid. At fist glance, the backgrounds were decent, with mediocre lighting effects. Whatever you do, just don't move. Framerate and clipping are very bad here. What really throws a wrench in things, is the "details" that Eidos over exaggerated . There are two examples that come right to my mind. The first is if you jump you will almost always see this puff of smoke/dirt when you land. Sounds like a cool effect, but it is so overdone and quirky that it really just becomes an eyesore. Probably the biggest and stupidest thing I have ever seen in any video game was the water/dripping effect. Once Lara comes out of the water, there is a dripping of water that follows her. Again, this really sounds cool; but it is truly horrible. Even a non-gamer will notice the highly exaggerated effect. Not only does she "drip", when she gets out of the water, but the effect will last a good 30 seconds. It was like she had a never-ending supply of water. I mean; where the heck did all of that water come from?

I actually know a Tomb Raider fan. He has played every TR game, and absolutely loves them. His only "complaint" was the camera problems. You have this "floating" camera that follows dear Lara around and consistently gets stuck; aka instant death . Well, not only was this issue addressed by Eidos, they made it worse and are laughing their butts off as you spent your big bucks on their polished dung heap.

AUDIO 8/10

Whoohoo! Finally, something gets a better than average score! The soundtrack was very appropriate and detailed. The sound effects were also decent; however they were just re-modified versions from previous TR's. The voice-overs were top notch, as with most DC games.

Oh, and we do have the classic "grunting" of Lara; which boosted the rating up a point.

REPLAY VALUE 4/10

For any normal gamer, who has an ounce of play in them this game will give you literally minutes of pleasure. For those who love to be tied up with duct tape and beaten with rubber mallets, you will get years of long lasting agonizing "fun".

Realistically, there are some new levels, some new skills, which can add to the overall value if you really like the series. While, marketing is what made Lara so successful, I believe there is a lot to be gained from this game and others in the Tomb Raider Series.

Ok, well I lied about that last statement.

OVERALL 3/10

Maybe since it's because I'm old and married, but Lara's "bounce" has lost its appeal and her "perkiness" simply doesn't credit her horrible control and frustrating, mundane puzzles.

If these Marquise de Sade types of games appeal to you, kudos.

Freak.