I Can't Believe I Ate The Whole Thing

By now, the verdict is in. The people have spoken. There is a strong consensus that Resident Evil: Apocalypse is one of the worst entries into the world of sequels and remakes.

Which is ironic, since I hate just about everything - except this film.

REA doesn't have the production values of the first film, which was unusually slick. It doesn't have the cool, maze-like video-game atmosphere of its predecessor. It isn't nearly as eerie as the other was supposed to be.

And its zombies rank right up there with the zombies in Shaun of the Dead.

And yet, this film was an amusing time killer for me, my large Coke and that bag of popcorn I turned into waste matter. Maybe I didn't hate this film because I had nowhere to go in my disappointment.

You see, I hated the first one.

Yes, that first film had great production values, and it was one hell of a video game, but - for me - it was a snooze. Neither of these films are anything but faint copies of Dawn of the Dead (original or remake).

This film's bane was my blessing. It went lite on the zombies. I have limited tolerance for zombies. It turned out to be a marriage made in heaven.

With the zombies largely out of the picture, I was left to watch Milla Jovovich run around and inspire me with her do-or-die butt-kicking rampage.

Frankly, I'd pay to see her read the phone book. But that's me.