Female singers, mediocre rappers and 4/4 beats...just like a real European disco!

Even if you live in America, its highly unlikely you've managed to avoid the onslaught of the dreaded euro-pop. Perhaps you wake up nights, suffering from horrid Ace of Base flashbacks, or you stand in line at the grocery store, absent-mindedly humming a Real McCoy song. The strange confluence of techno, rap and pop music was the prevailing style of music played in clubs and discos for those glory days of 1992-1994.

How to describe the style of music contained on Pulse, a compilation of these euro-dance pop "classics"? Well, its really not that hard: imagine an exceptionally generic 4/4 drum machine beat, a straightforward bass hook, a female singer belting out the same two lines over and over, and a rapper (usually not that good) spitting out rhymes full of bombast and nonsensical lyrics.

Lest you think I am merely here to bash this music relentlessly, keep in mind I did actually spend money on this album, so there must be something here I liked. In reality, in spite of its impossibly generic quality, this stuff is pretty darn good for dancing.

Take as an example the first track on the album, "Rhythm is a Dancer" by two-hit wonder Snap! (exclamation point theirs). Clearly demonstrating the level of quality indicated in their first hit, "The Power", Snap! pretty much sets into place the form and structure of just about every other tune on this album. One of the classics of the sub-genre.

And there's more after that! We get such club hits as "Show Me Love" by Robin S., "Another Night" by Real McCoy, "Finally" by CeCe Peniston, "Move This (Hit Mix)" by Technotronic featuring Ya Kid K...and, of course, the legendary "What Is Love" by Haddaway, well known (and likely hated) by Saturday Night Live viewers.

Pop this CD into your stereo, turn up the volume, install a disco ball in your living room, and BAM! You are now the proud owner of a discotheque, circa 1995. Perhaps you'll have strange people in sequin-riddled clothing popping up at your door, acting as though they know you. Possibly, your bathroom will, like many bathrooms in the finest clubs, be used as a venue for drug use and various lewd sexual acts.

Or, maybe it won't. Still, if you're looking for a cool little compilation of club hits circa 1994, this is about as definitive as you can get on a single CD. And it might bring back those memories of various nasty things you, too, might have done in club bathrooms...which is not to say that I did any...oh, screw it, you all think I'm a freak anyway.

Obligatory Track Listing:

1. Rhythm is a Dancer - Snap
2. 100% Pure Love - Crystal Waters
3. Mr. Vain - Culture Beat
4. Show Me Love - Robin S.
5. Please Don't Go - KWS
6. Another Night - Real McCoy
7. I'm Gonna Get You - Bizarre Inc. featuring Angie Brown
8. Beautiful Life - Ace of Base
9. Finally - CeCe Peniston
10. Be My Lover - La Bouche
11. What is Love? - Haddaway
12. Get Ready for This - 2 Unlimited
13. Everybody's Free (To Feel Good) - Rozalla
14. I Like to Move It - Reel 2 Real
15. Rhythm of the Night - Corona
16. Move This - Technotronic featuring Ya Kid K
17. More and More - Captain Hollywood Project
18. Tonight is the Night - Le Click featuring Kayo

Conclusion:

Honestly, if you're considering buying this album, you probably like one or more of the songs on the album already. If you are one of those people, odds are in favor of you liking the majority of these tracks. But the odds of this making a hater of this kind of music love it are very low. This is clearly made to draw a certain consumer, and, as such, does a solid job. However, I'm not enough of a fan of this type of music to rate this above "play it every so often, when friends are hanging out and everyone is drunk/high". Which, for those aware of my arcane rating system, means 2 1/2 stars, rounded up.