Grand Theft Auto 3, Greatest Game Ever? YES

I just can't wait to steal cars, run people over, beat people with baseball bats, shoot people, and then celebrate with a prostitute, and maybe take some drugs.

Grand Theft Auto 3 lets me do all those things and more from the comfort of my own home.

Grand Theft Auto 3, the latest addition in the line of "Grand Theft Auto" games for the Sony Playstation 2, is, without a doubt, one of the most controversial games ever. Not since the game "Night Trap" has a game been pulled off shelves, and this time, not even carried by major retailers such as Wal-Mart and Target. This makes procuring your own copy of Grand Theft Auto 3 almost as easy as finding the lost city of Atlantis. (Hopefully you didn't try, like me, to find it after Christmas)

Let's start at the beginning, what's the point?
Get missions from various people, complete the missions, get cash, don't get killed in the process.
Easy right? Of course.

However, as opposed to most video games, you're really a bad guy. A street criminal, a car jacking, drug using, people killing, escaped convict. A well rounded individual.

Missions range from blowing things up, to following people and killing them, to stealing certain cars and of course, killing people. Oh, I mentioned that already. You get to kill people.

The Graphics- so vastly improved from Grand Theft Auto, and Grand Theft Auto 2 that it doesn't even seem the same game.
In fact, after beating someone to death, you can actually walk over their lifeless body and track bloody footprints all over the sidewalk! (INSERT OJ SIMPSON JOKE HERE)

The language!
Well, GTA always had some risque language, but this time it is far superior. You've got people with potty mouths for sure. Don't want the young ones playing this game.

SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX
Oh what a wonderful thing, to find a video game which properly includes sex in its' premise.
Seeing as how there exists a red light district in the fictional Liberty City, that means there are plenty of pimps and prostitutes. Always a good thing. Occasionally you'll see a pimp slapping around his ho. And if you're low on energy, go find yourself a good prostitute, after coaxing her into the car (waiting as she bends over countless times) drive back to your hideout and park. Then your car will start bouncing up and down slowly at first then much faster. You energy will go up and your money will go down with each thrust of the hips.
You'll be left feeling energized and ready to go do battle with rival gangs or go shoot a cop.
Just like always after sex. Oh wait.....
(Special hint, hookers are easier to pick up if you're in a nicer car)

MONEY!
In everyone's life, money is somewhat important. You need money in GTA3, why? To stay alive and buy stuff, be it guns, or bombs. Each time you get WASTED, you'll go to the hospital and since you don't have a job with good health coverage, you lose money. Hit zero, and your car jacking days are over bucko. But there are plenty of ways to earn money, complete the missions, steal cabs and become a cabbie, steal an ambulance and transport patients, steal a cop car and go killing criminals, and even a firetruck and go fight car fires.

RADIO STATIONS
Steal a car, listen to the radio. One of the best things about this game is the radio stations. Chatterbox radio being my personal favorite, granted it repeats over and over again, but I never tire of the interview with Fernando, from Fernando's New Beginnings. Fernando is a "marriage savior" He speaks in a Latin accent, and talks of saving the passion in marriages. How can a man lust after a woman who has been changing diapers all day? A woman must change diapers, do housework, cook meals and clean dishes and still be a French maid in the bed room. Fernando thinks not!
Fernando is basically a cheap pimp, as he sets up the husband with other women so the man can still have his lust for sex fulfilled, and in doing so, it will save the marriage because it will place less stress on the woman to perform all her duties.
The testimonials for Fernando are great also.
The one for the ambulance chasing law firm, well, that one holds a special place in my heart, I get so proud when I hear that ad.

Running People Over.
Amazingly, you can't always kill people by ramming into them if they are against a building. One would think it would split them in half, but it doesn't. I'll have to suggest that for GTA4. If you're going to slow, you also can't kill people all the time, despite running them completely over. Sometimes you have to back over them a couple of times. But get really moving and tip a truck over and go skidding down the sidewalk, you'll ruin a lot of peoples days and make a funeral home very happy.

After killing some people you can pick up what they left behind, if you're lucky you'll be left money or weapons. Always a good thing.

Shooting People!
Perhaps the most difficult thing in the game. The way you aim is hard, and if you point at the wrong people, because the game lined you up on that person, even if they are on your side, when you target somebody else, that guy you accidentally pointed at will shoot at you. Aiming is annoying. But when I think about it, how many gang members can really shoot anyway?

BURN PEOPLE!
Ahhhh the mighty flame-thrower.
Watch them run away in flames and fall to the ground in screaming burning lumps. It's a beautiful thing.
It is even a mission to kill a certain number of gang members with the flame-thrower. How cool is that?

JUST ANOTHER CASE OF THE MAN KEEPIN ME DOWN!
Avoid the Police, they'll take your weapons away and you'll have to start back at the police station.

GRAND THEFT AUTO 3, is it good for little kids to play it? Of course not. But for those of us who can tell the difference between right and wrong, there is no harm in it at all, and Wal Mart and Target should be ashamed of themselves for not carrying such high quality entertainment.

I still haven't dragged anyone out of their car and taken off in it, so bah humbug on those who say video games make you do bad things!