The Buick Century, And POISON

My first car was a Buick Century, all pretty in black. I loved my Buick Century. It was like my own personal race car, only slower.
The Buick Century had big long seats, not Bucket seats, but the long one that is straight across. (I actually don't know what that is called)
It seats 4 easily, and each person had their own door.
My Buick Century was a 1985, with the 3.0 liter V6 engine, which rated probably around 120hp. Acceleration was decent, certainly all I needed then, and probably all anyone really needs for everyday driving.

Of course, I do not care about needs, it is all about what you desire. This car was built strong. How should I know? My parents gave it to a 17 year old male who has the personality type ideally suited for race car drivers. Let me count the things this car could do and still run perfectly, with lets see.... ZERO trips to the garage for repairs.

Neutral Drops so I could get better acceleration when someone had the nerve to challenge the mighty Buick Century to race. The neutral drop, for those who have always valued their transmissions is done by sticking the automatic in Neutral and stomping on the gas, then, without letting up, throw it into drive. Your tires will spin, and you will take off faster than usual. Oh, and your transmission will take a beating.

Off Roading. Yes, I had no respect for some places, as my tennis coach told me. Make a three point turn? Why? this car had enough clearance to jump up over the curb and onto the lawn. If I am already on the lawn, why go back on the street? Is not the shortest distance between two points a straight line? Of course it is. A certain Black Buick was often seen bouncing over a lawn, especially a school lawn. Neutral drops were also done on lawns of certain places, it made a mess of the lawn. It was cool. But not as cool as the mess my friend with his brand new Explorer could make. But I was not going to be left out of the fun.
360 degree spins, oh yes, this car could do them. Not when I wanted it to, but it would do them and remain running, always a good thing.

Gas mileage, it had to be at least 22 mpg in the city, possibly more. It was very efficient.
Radio system, it came with the standard GM Delco system, no frills stereo, decent. It was upgraded to the Alpine top of the line cassette pull out stereo. I worked over a month for that. Some little brat stole it. After that, the car became awful quiet. I will find that brat someday. I am actively looking for him as hard as O.J. is looking for the killers of Ron and Nicole.

Trunk space, oh there was plenty room to stick a body in, maybe even two bodies. Like Chris Bickel once said, you need a big trunk, because fat people are hard to kidnap. Actually I know the trunk was big enough to fit someone in. I got in it myself and closed myself in it to see what it was like. It is dark in there.

The engine, the 3.0 V6 was a strong engine, compared to the 4cylinders offered in the Buick and the many other 80s cars which were built on this same platform. But was it a durable engine? I think so. I personally blew two of them, but it was my fault. Computer system controlling the engine? well, the Buick never had any problems, but my oldsmobile which had the exact same engine had numerous electrical problems and had to have the computer control system replaced at least two times.

Where does the 80s glam rock group Poison come into all this?

Handling
The Buick Century does not like to travel in anything other than a straight line quickly. The Buick Century loves to slip and slide, and spin in circles, especially on pavement that is only a little wet. This is even a front wheel drive car, no excuse for finding your rear suddenly coming up alongside you and then passing you.
I wish I knew the number of times I spun the Buick Century. Not one time did it spin intentionally. This car was very uncooperative, I could not spin it out in a snow filled parking lot, yet on a rainy day, it wanted to spin around like Tonya Harding when she isn't making a video or hiring someone to whack Nancy Kerrigan on the knee.

This car also cannot corner.
"You're going to fast, you ought to slow down, you're never going to make this turn"
This was the only intelligent thing my brother ever said.
Going to school one morning in the fall, I was driving my usual way (read the Beware Tourists review, I learned that way)I was cutting through all the traffic on the highway, rush hour had not yet hit. But I wanted to get to school early so I could do all the homework I was supposed to have done the night before.
We were approaching the exit ramp which was a downward ramp, turning right.
"No, I can make it"
Do you know what hitting a retaining wall at 75 head on because your car does not turn does to your car?
I do. I can still see the plastic grill flying up on over the sunroof I had installed. I remember thinking, maybe I just hit the curb and blew a tire. I sure hope nothing else happened. I went to drive the car off the ramp, it had stopped. I turned the key, oh how reliable! Talk about your new symbol of quality in America! The Buick Century started back up, and down the ramp I went.
I immediately pulled over to survey the damage. Wow! I survived that? Just about anything and everything in the front of the car was hanging down. Both tires were cut, and I still don't know how the bumper was hanging on. Yet, it ran.
The seatbelts sure worked good.

So, how do I explain this to Mom and Dad? Why the honorable Rhode Island way thats how! By lying and bribery! My brother was a big fan of Poison, group of "Open up and say Ahhhh", and "Look what the Cat dragged In" Fame. They were coming to the Providence Civic Center soon. Guess who had to promise to take my brother to the concert and buy the tickets? ME.
"Yeah, really mom, he was only going about 35, must have hit some wet leaves on the ramp."
Lucky for me the auto repair guy asked me how fast I was going and he saw the look I gave him and knew to play along when I told him it was 35. (Thank you Vinny, wherever you are) What happened? The frame was bent, and the engine had been moved back 4 inches, not to mention the body damage.
All in all it cost $3800 to fix. Which I was forced to pay for completely, I was not allowed to put in an insurance claim to teach me a lesson. It worked, I now have a car with much better cornering ability.

About 8 months later the engine blew because I didn't know you had to change the oil. That was another costly lesson.
But I never did have to go to the Poison Concert. I gave the other ticket to a friend of my brothers and they went.

The Buick Century is a reliable car, and a safe car in an accident. I'm living proof.