Ten Things Every Child With Autism Wishes You Knew

I don't recall exactly when it was but it was several years ago that I first received a copy of Ellen Notbohm's article entitled "Ten Things Every Child With Autism Wishes You Knew" in my email box. The Top 10 list is written in the child's voice, as if a child with Autism is telling people "how it is". As the mother of an amazing little boy who is on the Autism spectrum, I remember reading it and nodding, nodding, and nodding some more before forwarding it off to friends and family with a note saying "You need to read this". Over the years her text has made the rounds and I have received it several times on my email - and every time I do the same thing, forwarding it on to a few more people who I think it could help.

You can see this article as it was originally published on the South Florida Parenting website at:

http://www.southflorida.com/sfparenting/sfe-sfp-autism,0,6196233.story

When I recently saw that the author of "Ten Things" had also written a book by the same title, of course I purchased it thinking it would be a good thing to share with some friends and family who don't always seem to "get it" about my son's behavior. Published by Future Horizons in Autism, I spent around $10 at a major discount bookseller - the stamped cover price is only $14.95. Ten Things is only just over 100 pages in a larger than normal font size, so its a fairly quick read.

This book is largely Notbohm's original "Ten Things" article which she spreads out over 30 pages. Following this the author through each of her top 10 "things" and dedicates a chapter to explaining each one of them.

In summary her Top 10 includes the following:
1. I am first and foremost a child. I have autism. I am not primarily "autistic".
2. My sensory perceptions are disordered.
3. Please remember to distinguish between won't (I choose not to) and can't (I am not able to).
4. I am a concrete thinker. This means I interpret language very literally.
5. Please be patient with my limited vocabulary.
6. Because language is so difficult for me, I am very visually oriented.
7. Please focus and build on what I can do rather than what I can't do.
8. Help me with social interactions.
9. Try to identify what triggers my meltdowns.
10. If you are a family member, please love me unconditionally.

As you can see from the above list the author's top ten things every child with autism wishes you knew are pretty general and yet pertinant. Every person with Autism is unique and so some of the items on this list may apply more or less, or not at all to each child on the Autism spectrum. Speaking about my own child, I have to say that all of the things on her list apply to my child to a pretty large degree. If I had to peg the one that would be most "dead on" it is her description of what going shopping can be like to a child with autism.

From #2 on her list:
A "simple" trip to the grocery store may be hell for me. My hearing may be hyperacute. Dozens of people are talking at once. The loudspeaker booms today's special. Muzak whines from the sound system. Cash registers beep and cough. A coffee grinder is chugging. The meat cutter screeches, babies wail, carts creak, the fluorescent lighting hums. My brain can't filter all the input, and I'm in overload! My sense of smell may be highly sensitive. The fish at the meat counter isn't quite fresh, the guy standing next to us hasn't showered today, the deli is handing out sausage samples, the baby in line ahead of us has a poopy diaper, they're mopping up pickles on Aisle 3 with ammonia. ... I can't sort it all out, I'm too nauseous.... [page xxi]

If the above text doesn't hit the nail on the head on how overwhelming sensory issues can be, I am not sure what else will.

I like that fact that the "Top Ten Things.." original article is written in the child's voice. Somehow it seems to really make more of an impact coming from the child's perspective and as I read Notbohm's text I can hear it inside my head in the voice of my own child. After reading this, I was talking about it with a friend of mine who has a child that attend's school with my son. Our children are quite similar in many ways except one major difference - her son is non-verbal. I believe from what she shared with me that this book was even more profound of a read for her - this book is the voice of a child who often has no voice.

Notbohm wrote her "Ten Things" list from the perspective of a child with Autism and then takes the time to explain each of the items on her list based on the assumption that the reader most likely has very limited experience with Autism. She keeps her language simple and straightforward and compared to many books on the same subject which I've found to be overwhelming this one is not.


This isn't a book in which you will find medical jargon nor does the author enter any "forbidden" territories about Autism - like what caused it, what therapies work best, or if there is a cure or not. Instead it is a book that attempts to shed some light and perspective what being a child with Autism is like each day and how to deal with it. Despite being simple and the fact that I personally didn't gain a ton from reading this book I give it a thumbs up. I'd place both Notbohm's Ten Things on my list of required reading" for someone who is new to Autism. Whether it is a parent of a child who is newly diagnosed, family members in denial, or a friend who lacks understanding/experience with the topic - share this book with them, or at a minimum share the "Top Ten Things" article as published on the author's site. I do think this book provides a good starting point for someone who just received a diagnosis because it is straightforward and an easy read. I commend the author for her positive and can-do attitude that resonates throughout both her article and book. I just saw that this author also has written a Top Ten list geared toward teachers and a few other books on the topic of Autism which I plan on checking out sooner than later.