The Guinness Book of Useless Information

How long has the good old Guinness Book of World Records been around? I remember fondly reading certain sections of my copy of the 1986 edition in fifth grade. I thought that it was just amazing all of the things that people thought of to include as a record.

Now, just in case you've lived under a rock all your life and don't know what the Guinness Book is, here's a quick description. Basically, it's a very large book (somewhere on the upside of 500+ pages, depending on the edition) that lists every single verified world record that has ever been set. It's conveniently divided up into categories, so that you don't have to go searching through thousands (yes, thousands) of records that don't interest you to find ones that do.

No one in their right mind would sit down and read this like a regular book, from cover to cover. My head would be exploding after just a chapter. Most people find a few sections that interest them and skim those sections. For example, I used to find the section about human records fascinating. How long did the oldest person live? How old is the oldest living person? How tall is the shortest man? The tallest woman? What is the largest number of kids that one set of parents ever had? When was the first test tube baby born? (THAT one was a surprise to my mother--"Mom, what's a test tube baby?"--Explain THAT to your 10-year-old.)

I also liked the food records. Someone ate HOW many hot dogs in 7.8 seconds? The biggest pumpkin ever weighed more than me? I used to get sick to my stomach just thinking about those records.

What kid has never wanted to break a Guinness record? I think that's the main reason kids read the book. They're thinking, "I know I can eat more than 23 strawberries in seven seconds! I know I can fit more than 85 marshmallows in my mouth without swallowing!" Unfortunately (or fortunately), not many ever really try to break one.

This book really has no literary value whatsoever. There is no story, no characterization, no plot, no setting, none of those things that teachers work so hard to try to get children to understand. Nor is there much point in buying new volumes from year to year. Only a handful or records change, and you'd have to be Sherlock Holmes to figure out which ones they were. Yet, God forbid you would read an outdated copy! I bought the 1999 paperback version for my school bookshelf last year. Last year, it was hardly ever on the shelf. Kids would sneak it from one person to another, just to guarantee that their friend would get to see those all-important snow-skiing records. This year, it's there all the time. It's just SO outdated, after all.

I guess, basically, the Guinness Book is harmless but pointless. It serves to fill some of that human curiousity within us all, but after that, it sits on the shelf. I guess it could be a handy reference some day, like when your 12-year-old is writing a report on the world's longest dance marathon. Otherwise, this book is strictly for fun.